i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
