but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
