so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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