i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
