Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
