im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
