Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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