I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
