at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
