My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
