Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
