i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
