We're facebook friends in real life
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
