I didn't shave. On purpose
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
