we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Who died my cat blue again?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
