Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
