Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
