This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
