party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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