Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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