it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
