I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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