I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
