90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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