nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
