I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
