I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
50% drunk capacity currently
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
