clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have so many feelings about this burrito
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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