Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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