Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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