let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
