I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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