I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
