he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
