if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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