you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
