Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
