i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
