Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
