i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I see more hoeing in ur future
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
