guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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