his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
