About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
