he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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