So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
