She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
