I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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