I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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