I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
