ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was not drunk enough for that final.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
