I could make wine with my vomit
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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