Plan B is the new Plan A
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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