Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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