I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
