my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
