Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
