I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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