you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
