First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
