I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
