I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
