No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
