i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
