you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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