I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
