in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
