don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i now understand why vodka
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
