just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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