And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my liver is dry heaving
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
