I wish I could punch you in the face.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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