Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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